A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize