I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
