none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
