I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
