I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
