by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
