I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
