just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
