you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize