come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
