Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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