I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
