Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
