Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize