hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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