youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
