i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am naked and annoyed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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