Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we're making bets on your personal life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
