did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
