Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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