Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got inside last night via doggy door
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
