I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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