I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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