Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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