My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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