It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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