the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
