fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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