pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
