dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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