U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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