she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
