this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may or may not be watching the land before time
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
