White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't deserve a penis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
