So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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