So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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