I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
