Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
