Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
