good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
