Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
