either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
