goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
