your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
