R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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