I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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