I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize