I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
