I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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