Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
