the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
