dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
