How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize