She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
