I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize