I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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