everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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