There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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