took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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