You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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