By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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