I wish I could punch you in the face.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize