So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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