I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
