Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize