Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
