She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
