I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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