we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
