i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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