At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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