Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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