Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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