I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
