he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
