I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do herpes really smell.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
