zippers are such a cool invention
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize