i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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