I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
