Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
