If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
