Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
