Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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