She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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