i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
