i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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