so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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