hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
