i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
