if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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