your parents love me but you hate me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
