love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
