wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
