You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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